I’ve found that my two boys often show me why happiness is a choice. In fact, what is it about the young?
We are told that they are bundles of unrestrained joy and innocence. Really?
Well, how come I’m looking at a pouty lip from my eldest (6 years wise) on most mornings. How is him waking up and struggling against the family agenda providing evidence of natural happiness?
A better question is, “How does that serve him and what does it tell me?”
On first glance it looks like something called a bad mood. He has all the symptoms. Downturned mouth and gaze lowered to the floor. Apologetic voice, caved in shoulders and chest.
Something is not right. Something has happened.
Yet if you look up close you can see that it is a mask. It’s a persona he’s wearing, as if he’d got one of his superhero costumes from the dress-up box.
It’s a device that he’s using to help manipulate something. That’s how it serves him. And if you can catch it off guard it cracks and you can see him in there. Laughing.
A quick tickle or a reminder that it’s Nutella day usually does the trick.
The game is up and the ‘mood’ lifted.
He wants something and he’s playing the “it’s not fair” game.
But where did he learn such a device?
I know you’re already ahead of me. What a gift we have given them. “Dear children, despite your unrestricted flow of pure joy and smiles let us teach you how to put on a scowl and let everyone know that we are really pissed about something.”
“Thanks Dad, I’ll remember that.”
The hard part isn’t seeing through his mask, it’s realising that we do exactly the same thing. Daily
When someone annoys us we reach for the sulky pout. That will show them! If someone forgets that we were next in line we unleash the full-on “how dare you”. Irritated, impatient, agitated and annoyed.
We bring them out as our tools of communication. To let everyone know that we’re not pleased about things right now!
But as we’ve learned, it works both ways. We can just as easily trigger happiness!
We can choose to be tickled by things. To be amused.
Joy happens first, before the presents arrive.
We have to choose it and it is ours.
Happiness works by us first allowing it to bubble up and show itself. We often get caught up in our own drama that we don’t let it happen and we don’t see that we can choose it. We always think that happiness comes later.
Yet we have the power to make it happen.
We don’t need other people to do things that will make us happy.
We can choose happiness and the joy will flood in anyway.
One of the most repeated pieces of advice I give to people is, “You’re not broken.” I say this so many times. And I believe that it’s true.
It’s sort of the opposite to therapy. In that case you look at the damage caused from your past and relive it or express it to relieve the pressure of suppression of emotions.
I believe we all come into this world perfectly formed in our own way. We don’t need to add anything or change anything. All we have to do is allow ourselves to grow and develop and realise our potential.
To become your possibility. To find yourself.
This is a great relief and comfort to people. You are not broken. I’m not even giving you the burden of “you are a genius”. It’s light and no pressure.
Think about it. You are not broken. No need for therapy, you are not broken. No need for guilt, you are not broken. No need for shame, you are not broken.
Well today I caught myself lost in my self-improvement drive – again. And I wondered why I don’t take this advice.
How many affirmations and clearing techniques do I need?
Why do I get stuck in the working on myself loop?
If I’m not broken, then why do I need to constantly fix things?
Do you find the same thing? Must become more productive, more effective, more loving.
It’s part of our self-actualisation you might say, but are we jamming our bandwidth with too many improve yourself to-dos?
Perhaps we need to create more space to just be. When you create space you get to experience your own insight and intuition. What Philip McKernan calls “your Soulset.”
When you create space you can find your inner voice that guides.
So today I started not working on myself.
I started not affirming that I was earning six figures. I stopped affirming that I had perfect health. I stopped trying to clear blockages and shift energy.
Today I started being who I am. Not broken. And no need to work on myself.
I took a day off from self-help.
Today I started to feel comfortable with my work. Not needing to push on and change things. I found myself being okay with my kids behaviour because they’re not broken either. We just need to be with each other.
Today I was being me.
Today I was unbroken.
Today, try being you. Find yourself. Perfect.
Everyday the media is full of new stories that demonstrates even more the depths that people will sink to in their time on our planet.
I’m not going to list them. That will just reinforce my experience of them, the laws of attraction happen in both directions both positive and negative. I’m out to change my experience of them.
From violence to peace. From fear to love. From hatred to compassion.
I’ve decided that I will only allow in those things that I want. That means news, that means stories online and in print. I’m only open to the vibration of the things that I want.
Vibrating With The Laws of Attraction
This is how it works, it’s a rule… a law. An event happens. It’s reported across all the media channels across the globe. We consume it, it surrounds us.
We worry. ‘That’s terrible,’ we say. We huddle together in fear at the outside world and scary circumstances.
We send out vibrations of that experience and more of those kind of experiences resonate and begin to happen. On a global scale we can attract the vibrations of some serious shit thanks to all those lovely laws of attraction.
Good news is, we can also attract some vibrations of some awesome good.
Good is what we want. It’s not a judgement, it’s just what each of us wants.
I said you can attract it and I mean it.
Think about it. What consumes you each day? What are you surrounded by? Stories of things getting worse?
Self fulfilling prophecies for you to enjoy.
It’s just temporary. Don’t think that because you’ve had a lifetime of bringing what you don’t want that you have to stick with it. It’s just an indicator.
Change thanks to the laws of attraction
Now you can change it. You can take control by only allowing what you want into your thoughts and into your experience. Become a creator and not just a reactor.
You could even go one step further. I had an idea on this, one of those ideas that fills me with hope.
I want us to turn off the news. I want us to globally agree to take a day off from reporting and observing what is happening in the world of circumstances. When we catalogue what is, we get more what is. Information overload.
Instead we turn off the news. We can make it a global holiday, a day away from generating vibrations of what we don’t want. Because not everyone knows how to do this and get back the control of their life.
We turn off the news, let the journalists spend some time with their families or their hobbies.
We breath in the relief of no new atrocities. We don’t experience them, they are not there.
And then the next day we fill the newspapers of stories that nothing went wrong.
Rinse and repeat until we get better at it.
I was telling a story at a dinner party and someone interrupted.
They took a bit of a dig at me. And smiled.
What happened next lasted for days. Really.
‘How could they belittle me like that?’ . What am I supposed to say?
What is this raw emotion and where does it come from?
You want to control your emotions? Good luck with that. You can’t control emotions and if you think you can then they will end up controlling you.
Like a pack of wolves they will steal you away when the darkness falls.
You know this already.
You see emotions are an important part of our life. They are useful in signalling to us if something isn’t working for us or needs changing. Emotions are like our inbuilt warning systems.
Feeling emotions is a natural part of the awareness of living. They can set the thermostat of your day-to-day experience. If we are generally living in an attitude of fear and worry all of our decisions are impacted by that state.
If, instead, we take an outlook of joy and love we will find that the world opens up in front of us in an entirely different way.
This is the path to peace and joy.
But emotions can and will change, sometimes from moment to moment. The problems start when we forget to really feel the emotion and let it play out, instead of trying to suppress it.
This is futile.
We attempt to cover it over and stuff into a mental sack labelled ‘Emotional Baggage.’
You have a choice when you feel a strong emotion. You can either release and let it go or add it to your emotional baggage.
The trouble with emotional baggage is that keeping it suppressed and under control takes a lot of mental energy. Hiding our emotions leaves us with very little dynamic spirit to do anything else.
I recently read a terrific summary of how to release emotions. If you find that the same emotions are coming up for you time and time again then you are not releasing them, they build up and start to dominate your thoughts.
Here’s how to clear them:
- Ask yourself if it’s possible to let go of this emotion.
- If it is, then ask yourself if you would.
- If you would, then ask yourself when is the right time.
The way to release the emotions is to say Yes, Yes and Now!
Holding onto emotions like resentment or jealousy harms nobody but yourself.
Perhaps you think you’ll pay them back by staying annoyed with them for a bit longer. Well, the only person being affected here is you.
You need to release it.
Once you release an emotion you will feel lighter as you let go. As you practice you can release emotions as they happen.
Feel them and let them go.